This post is for all you men out there (ladies, you’re next in an upcoming blog). Here are the top 5 ways to keep your relationship alive and kicking, and the woman in your life genuinely happy.
1. Let her TALK! Women work through their issues and solve problems by talking about it. You don’t need to be Mr. Fix-it here, just listen (to read about effective listening skills, click here). I’m sure you don’t understand why she talks for an hour on the phone to the friend she’s meeting later that day, but talking for us is therapeutic. And, please remember that you don’t have to do one thing when she is talking, except to be present for her and let her know you hear what she is saying, but never give suggestions nor advice unless asked.
2. Do the little things. It’s not necessarily the big obvious things you do, it’s the little tiny things sometimes. Yes, there’s always the flowers, but digging a little deeper is very beneficial. A phone call during the day just to say hi, a kiss on the cheek for no reason, clearing the table after she’s made dinner, giving her a nice massage, something you may think isn’t big… probably is to her.
3. Acknowledge something she’s done. Even if she’s done something ordinary, just thank her for it. A thank you and appreciation can go a very long way. Women like to be cherished, prized, honored. That’s how they can be thanked, too. It goes a long way toward mending and healing relationship ‘glitches.’
4. Appreciate that men and women are different. Remember, John Gray’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? This book still makes sense although there are so many more out there now. Basically, men and women have very different ways of perceiving what’s going on, of feeling their feelings, of making decisions, and many, many more. The point here is to remember there are differences and you always have something new to learn about your partner, your office mate, your boss, etc.
5. How about remembering, whenever you are talking with her, to use warm, kind tones in your voice. If you are talking about emptying the dishwasher, use warm, kind tones in your voice, if you are telling her how beautiful she is, use warm, kind tones in your voice, if you are talking about the checkbook not balancing and you wish she would take better care of it, you got it, warm, kind tones. I think you get the gist of this. Believe it or not, this approach will take care of many problems you aren’t even aware of. If you have to practice this, then do so.
Copyright 2010 Nancy Polites, LCSW.
