1. Let her TALK! Women work through their issues and solve problems by talking about it. You don’t need to be Mr. Fix-it here, just listen (to read about effective listening skills, click here). I’m sure you don’t understand why she talks for an hour on the phone to the friend she’s meeting later that day, but talking for us is therapeutic. And, please remember that you don’t have to do one thing when she is talking, except to be present for her and let her know you hear what she is saying, but never give suggestions nor advice unless asked.

2. Do the little things. It’s not necessarily the big obvious things you do, it’s the little tiny things sometimes. Yes, there’s always the flowers, but digging a little deeper is very beneficial. A phone call during the day just to say hi, a kiss on the cheek for no reason, clearing the table after she’s made dinner, giving her a nice massage, something you may think isn’t big… probably is to her.

3. Acknowledge something she’s done. Even if she’s done something ordinary, just thank her for it. A thank you and appreciation can go a very long way. Women like to be cherished, prized, honored. That’s how they can be thanked, too. It goes a long way toward mending and healing relationship ‘glitches.’

4. Appreciate that men and women are different. Remember, John Gray’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? This book still makes sense although there are so many more out there now. Basically, men and women have very different ways of perceiving what’s going on, of feeling their feelings, of making decisions, and many, many more. The point here is to remember there are differences and you always have something new to learn about your partner, your office mate, your boss, etc.

5. How about remembering, whenever you are talking with her, to use warm, kind tones in your voice. If you are talking about emptying the dishwasher, use warm, kind tones in your voice, if you are telling her how beautiful she is, use warm, kind tones in your voice, if you are talking about the checkbook not balancing and you wish she would take better care of it, you got it, warm, kind tones. I think you get the gist of this. Believe it or not, this approach will take care of many problems you aren’t even aware of. If you have to practice this, then do so.

Copyright 2010 Nancy Polites, LCSW.

My good friend, Anna, has a tendency to get headaches fairly often. They’ll just appear during the day or sometimes she wakes up with one. She has had them all of her life, and figures that it is probably caused by stress and this stress she holds in her shoulders and neck very often. She typically does yoga to s t r e t c h and keep loose but when she has missed some classes, the headaches will begin to appear, even slightly, and then become more severe. If you also have headaches, I am sure you’ll agree, they’re really more than just a thorn in your side. So, since I’m a proponent of EFT, and I tell all my clients to do this, I suggested that she consider tapping to relieve her headaches. She started with a number reading between 0 – 10 (0 = no headache pain, 10 is the worst ever headache pain) to use as a gauge to see whether there’s a change in the pain once she started tapping. Here are some set-up phrases I suggested she use. Pick the ones that you connect with most easily:

“Even though I have this headache, I choose to love and accept myself anyway”

“Even though this headache really hurts and it’s interrupting my day, I choose to love and accept myself anyway.”

“Even though I have this headache, I forgive myself for whatever I did or didn’t do to cause this pain, and I forgive them, whoever they are for whatever they did or didn’t do to cause this pain.”

“Even though I have this headache behind my eyes (or this sinus headache), I choose to release it so I can begin to feel better now.”

“Even though I don’t totally and completely love and accept myself right now, and think maybe I have caused this headache, I accept that I don’t completely and totally love and accept myself right now because that’s the truth.”

So now some verbiage for the rounds…

• My head is killing me!
• I wish it would stop pounding
• I want to get on with my day
• I wish this pain would just GO AWAY!
• Why do I have to have this stupid headache?
• I can’t function with this pain
• I always get a headache at the most inopportune times
• GO AWAY ALREADY!

• I am choosing now to release this headache pain
• I choose to let myself relax and to feel better
• It’s served its purpose, whatever that purpose is, and I receive the messages the pain is sending me
• I now release the pain to the universe (or heavens, etc., whatever feels right)
• It feels good to have this pain gone now and I am grateful
• I love the way I feel when my head feels fine
• This headache is going away and my body is allowing me to feel better
• I release this pain

Any feedback from you about your headaches (or other body pains) would be good to know about. I invite you to go ahead and leave a post!

I have a client in particular, Sandy, who had been laid off from her job of 10 years. She was terrified, hurt and hopeless that it was going to be very hard to find a quality, well paying job again. These were very limiting beliefs. Would she ever find a great job like the one she had? She started having anxiety, headaches, muscle pain, and became depressed and had slacked off on taking as good care of herself like she did when she was employed.

She then looked up EFT practitioners on Gary Craig’s website (www.emofree.com) and found yours truly. After I offered her a 30 minute free session, she told me she wanted to focus on the loss of her job as soon as possible and clear away her fears.

Once we started with the EFT, I had her take a number rating from 0 (total relief) to 10 (feeling the worst). Here are some of the set-up statements and rounds we worked with:

Even though I am THOROUGHLY convinced I will never find a job like the one I had and loved, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway.

Even though I’m completely afraid and terrified that I’ll have to take the first job that comes my way, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway.

Even though it’s hard right now to love and accept myself, because I feel worthless, I accept that it’s hard for me to love and accept myself, and I choose to start at this moment, allowing myself to feel better.

Even though I’m worrying and scared that I won’t have enough money to live on, I choose to love and accept myself anyway.

Here are samples of the rounds we used:

This awful stress
This fear
This intense depression
I hate feeling like this
I will never find a great job
I’ll stay unemployed for months
I’ll never find a job like the one I loved
This hopelessness

After the set-up statements and rounds, I asked her to rate her stress and feeling of depression that had been off the charts at an 11. She said that the stress of not finding the right job had fallen to a 4, but the fear was still high, at an 8. We continued to do more set-up statements several more rounds when she got both her fear and stress down to a 2.

This is a perfect example of how EFT can diffuse your limiting beliefs, so a path can be cleared for success.

Let me know how your tapping goes, and keep at it!

This morning, I was driving down the I-95 here in South Florida.  Traffic was not quite as light as I had anticipated… (NOT, mind you, like the traffic in Southern California!).  However, frustrations were apparent not only within myself but I could see other drivers’ faces.  Not to mention, others had deftly and swiftly cut in front of me (grrr) a few times already and some were tailgating me, and that kinda, sorta ticks me off. I felt myself becoming agitated, and I’ll bet most of you know exactly how that feels, right? Now what usually happens when you become agitated? Your blood pressure starts to rise, adrenaline begins to pump and then cortisol begins to be produced, and many other things go on in your body you don’t even want to know about.  The feelings you get, however, are antsy, impatient, clippy, frustrated, angry and probably some other adjectives, but the point is, I noticed some negative feelings and did NOT want them – they were too negative to be experiencing this early in the day.  The light bulb came on finally, and I thought “helloooooooo,  Ms. Nancy Tapalong“ I could tap using EFT and calm myself down.  I started to do a round, without the set-up statement: “This crappy traffic. I hate this traffic! I am annoyed because people are cutting me off.  I’m going to be late to my appointment, etc…” Then, I did a few rounds of how I’d like to feel: “I’m calming down as I drive. My blood pressure is dropping. I’m feeling relaxed. With every breath, I’m relaxing more and more. This agitation is leaving me…” And …within a few minutes (honest!) I felt better.  I then said to the tailgaters –”you must be having a rough time, you are just as frustrated as I am about this traffic.”  And to the people weaving in and out of traffic, occasionally cutting me and others off:  “You must be having a bad day, and isn’t it sad that you all are so impatient that you’re allowing this traffic to get to you? (tee hee) (how smug of me.) There’s nothing any of us can do about it right now, we just have to get through it to get to our destination. Ultimately, it turned out well for me because I arrived at my meeting quite calm and with no carry-over irritation. So you might want to try it… it definitely works!  Gosh, I love this stuff!  EFT, that is.  Emotional Freedom Techniques!

Copyright 2010 Nancy Polites. All rights reserved.

Now, if you would like more information, visit my website, www.forwardactioncoach.com and sign up for my free newsletter (top right corner). Once you opt-in for my newsletter, you’ll immediately receive my FREE Special Report “The Art of Elegant Listening… 7 Steps to Become a Dynamite Listener“. Also, if you would like help learning how to listen well, please feel free to contact me. I can be reached at (949) 675-0509 or (561) 401-9002, and I also can be emailed at nancy@forwardactioncoach.com.

I look forward to hearing from you, and enjoy!

• Even though I am not a patient person by any means – and being patient about my abundance and wealth isn’t familiar, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself anyway
• Even though this waiting stuff isn’t my cup of tea and even though I know I am deserving of having it all because I work so hard to make it happen, I now choose to be gentler and kinder to myselfand allow the universe to do its job of supporting me.
• Even though I don’t like accepting all this waiting around and don’t always accept myself for being so impatient, I accept that I’m not patient and I accept that I’m not always accepting!

3 Rounds – tap 5-7 times on each of the 8 places (Inner Eye, Outer Eye, Under Eye, Under Nose, Middle of Chin, Collar Bone, Under Arm, Top Of Head) continually and say the following at each place:

• I have all this impatience!
• I’m NOT impatient, I’m just experiencing the feeling
• I hated waiting around when I was young for good things to happen
• I didn’t want to have to wait
• I often felt insecure and remember those feelings even now
• It was hard for me to trust that good things would come to me
• Maybe it is still hard for me
• I want to accept all of these feelings even though it’s hard to do  that

Back to inner eye, outer eye, etc. saying:

• I wonder how it might be if I let go of my impatient feelings
• That would be too hard to do
• I can accept them, though
• I know that feelings don’t last forever
• Maybe I can change my perspective and focus instead
• Maybe I can think of what I appreciate about my world
• This feels hopeful to shift my feelings and thus my energy
• Maybe it isn’t so hard to do!

Again, inner eye, outer eye, etc. saying:

• I am happy that I can make some changes in my feelings if I choose to
• It feels good to know that I can help myself this way
• My energy seems to be shifting
• I remember that prosperity could be mine
• I know that abundance and prosperity are waiting for me
• I choose to allow energy to flow within and to allow my feelings to shift
• Having this feeling of shifting gives me a sense of freedom
• I am so appreciative of the freedom that can be mine

You are constantly giving off vibrations of energy when you think and feel. These vibrations can be picked up and received by other people. That’s why people say, “he has good vibes,” or “he gives off bad vibes.” You are constantly giving off vibrations.

If you’re feeling excited, enthusiastic, passionate, happy, joyful, loving, appreciative, abundant, prosperous, relaxed and peaceful, you are giving off positive vibrations.

On the other hand, if you are feeling bored, anxious, worried, confused, sad, lonely, hurt, angry, resentful, guilty, disappointed, frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed out, or depressed, then you are giving off negative vibrations.

The law of attraction states that the universe responds to whatever you are offering – by giving you more of whatever you are vibrating. It doesn’t care whether it is good for you or not; it simply responds to your vibration.

If you saw the film The Secret (click here to order), you saw this explained in great detail.

The problem is that most of the time, you are not aware of what vibration you are offering. You are simply responding to things outside of you—current events, the news, how people treat you, the stock market, how much money you are making, how your children are doing in school, whether or not your favorite sports team wins—and then having a feeling that is either positive or negative.

When you are simply responding unconsciously to what happens around you, you tend to stay “stuck” in your current condition. This is why most people’s lives never seem to change very much. They get stuck in a repeating cycle of recreating the same reality over and over by the vibration they are sending out.

It works like this… First you observe what you currently have and are currently receiving in your life. You call this your “reality.” You respond to what you observe with a feeling, positive or negative, which then gives off that vibration to the universe. The law of attraction then responds to this vibration and brings you more of what you were vibrating. This keeps the cycle going over and over, until you choose to change it through the exertion of your will. You are a victim of your lack of awareness of the law of attraction.

The Process of Intentional Creation
It is possible to get out of this vicious cycle and create what you want instead of continually recreating what you already have. It is a simple three step process that you can begin immediately.

If you’ve been implementing the action steps at the end of each principle I coach you through in The Success Principles: 30-Day Journey Audio Course (click here to order), you have already begun this process.

Step 1: Identify What You Truly Desire and Eliminate the Negative
It is important to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. You must state it in the positive and filter out the words don’t, not and no. Remember, your mind works in pictures and if you say I don’t want to be mad, you are creating the picture and thus the vibration of being mad. You must create the opposite of what you don’t want.

Step 2: Raise Your Vibration Level
Your job in stage two is to create a vibrational match for that which you say you want to have. How would you be feeling if you already had those things—the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the mount of money that you want to have?

Your job is to identify what makes you feel good and do more of it, then learn not to tolerate your negative feelings.

Affirmations are an important component in raising your vibrational level to what it is you want. Remember, the law of attraction does not respond to the words you use or the thoughts you think. It simply responds to how you feel about what you say and how you feel about what you think.

For information on how to create even more effective affirmations, review pages 75-80 in The Success Principles (click here to order), where you’ll find my “Nine Guidelines for Creating Effective Visualizations.”

Step 3: Release It and Allow It
In this third step you simply release your affirmation, your vibration, and your feelings to the universe to take care of your “request” or “order” as I call it. But you have to abstain from any doubts. If you doubt you can have it in any way, then you are not allowing it. You are pushing it away and you end up with contradictory messages to the universe.

It is only when the contradictory thoughts, talk, and images are removed that your desired results will manifest. The faster you remove your resistance, the faster your dreams can be realized.

To use the Tapalong associated with this topic, visit: http://forwardactioncoaching.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/clearing-impatience-to-receive-abundance-and-prosperity/

Potential clients will contact me for life coaching and they end up using EFT regularly. They use this to reduce or eliminate the stuck places that have kept them from moving forward to where they want to be in their lives.

By tapping on energy meridians – well-known to chiropractors, acupuncturists, massage therapists, and other alternative practitioners – negative emotions and physical pain absolutely dissolve and usually do not return.

Now, this must sound ridiculously simple. But guess what? Not only is it simple, but it’s so very easy (check out the many testimonials on my web site, www.forwardactioncoach.com, and at the end of this section.) The meridian healing system originated in Chinese medicine. It’s based on the concept that an insufficient supply of qi (life energy, chi) can make a person vulnerable to disease. Restoring the qi is the ultimate in restoring overall health and well-being. You may not be familiar with this modality of healing. In our western culture, we are unaccustomed to healing with ease, especially when our doctor visits often end up with a prescription, surgery recommendation or physical therapy. Today’s physicians are overwhelmed with new diseases cropping up, new medications to prescribe and new treatments being discovered. They tend to stay with what they know and do not gravitate toward Eastern culture’s ancient techniques. Our physicians expend hundreds of thousands of dollars on medical school, and graduate with brilliant ideas and theories, practical skills and specialties. But they often do not receive education in the healing arts – and EFT is one healing art that can assist with physical pain. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that the next time we visit our physicians, they will be respectful of the vitamins and supplements we may take and might recommend that you receive regular massages, or acupuncture — or EFT!

Isn’t it time for you to learn EFT and all of its wonders? Of course it is! Here’s all you have to do: Visit my web site’s EFT page www.forwardactioncoach.com/eft.htm and you’re on your way. Learn more about this wonderful way to help yourself feel better, clearer, and release more and more tension, anxiety and feelings of “stuckness”. Contact me at 949-675-0509, or visit my contact page for a free consultation. Here’s what you will receive:

• Focus on a specific limiting belief that has kept you from being where you want to be in your life, e.g., I don’t deserve success, I’m not good enough, etc.
• 5 one-hour weekly phone sessions with me
• Lots of e-mail contact in between our sessions
• 5 weekly customized scripts written by me for your personal issues that you are ready to release
• Limited telephone contact in between our sessions

So let’s get started! This is the year to let go of your procrastination! I hope to hear from you soon! In the meantime, if you would like to try your hand at EFT and want a Tapalong for this topic, visit: http://forwardactioncoaching.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/eft-for-disbelief-and-acceptance/

I know I’m supposed to start blogging, it is something that I have planned to do for a long time so here I am. And…. at this moment, I don’t know what to say about anything. Blank mind. How wonderful. A state all meditators strive to move toward and be in. Okay, it isn’t a blank mind. The truth is, it is one that says “who would care about what I have to say in this public forum?” That’s more like it, that’s the truth. And yet I have lots to say! About a lot of things!

I promise to have something to say soon…